Going for Gold

Today I was channelling my inner Peaty – Adam Peaty that is. Saturday night when I couldn’t sleep I watched him win the breast-stroke semi final with ease and looked mesmerised at the style and the sheer power of his strokes -now if only I could go as fast as that I would have had this challenge finished ages ago. Maybe I need to have a lion tattooed on my shoulder!

In the early hours of this morning he did it again, without me watching this time and brought home GOLD for Great Britain so when I went to the pool at 9am, not really feeling the love I thought of the dedication of all our athletes and the sacrifices they have had to make to get to their best. For every lap of the pool – however slow was for them and a special shout out to Tom Daley after 14 years his first Olympic Gold. Proves that when you are in a happy place like he his, marriage and a child things just simply come together.

I love that the second swimming challenge I have signed up for (to help with the monotony of lane swimming) is not only giving me a medal at the end but depending on how far/fast I swim is also helping the environment by planting trees – real ones! Today I swam 20% of the channel and planted my first tree – thats two now with Cedric who lives a little closer to home.

July 26th

Back to Bucket list – I am having such a great time ticking things off – doing things on my own or with friends. If I was to give any bit of advice I would say don’t wait until you get news like mine before you start doing things. You will miss out on doing so many things, I am having a blast at the moment.

How would I have known that I would have loved BINGO so much, we were treated like royalty by the staff at Buzz Bingo in Keighley. As Bingo Virgins they talked us through the machines (we chose the electronic ones which are idiot proof) and fuelled by fruit cider and cheesy chips we were good to go.

To be honest the first few tickets I still hadn’t a clue what I was doing but after a while got the hang of it – £10 for a line £20 for 2 line and £100 for a full house. It was all quite exciting and we were all on the edges of our seats – would we win, wouldn’t we and by pure luck one of the staff came to check to see if we were OK and noticed I had one number from a full house then unbelievably number called – I shouted HERE and button pressed to claim – another person had shouted too so we both got £50 – not bad for a night out and it bought some more drinks. Can’t wait to go back again and the 20th August is pencilled in – there is some serious money to be won!

Been updating the spreadsheet with the miles as friends have been adding to it so here goes so far –

Molly 32’700m =20.31 miles Karen 2’358m = 1.465 miles Samantha 18’100m = 11.24m Emma 1’750m = 1.08 miles Shauna 1’300m = 0.807 miles and todays NEW entry HUNTER the Alsatian 240m = 0.149 miles (more to come) That’s a grand total of 56’448 m = 35.075 miles

Super proud of everyone, especially Hunter.

Hunter swimming 30 lengths for charity

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MollyFuchs thank you to everyone that has donated so far, please help me reach £2000 so that I can give the 2 charities equal amounts. I will carry on until I can do no more. I won’t say its easy because it isn’t, waves of tiredness get to me and my hip can only take so many lengths without getting the shakes – I reckon my life was meant to be lived without exercise in it but then I would be bored and very very fat! So I will continue what I do with your help of course.

The sign on the motorway says….

Tierdness

I truly think that at times that the cancer is not going to kill me but the overwhelming desire just to fall asleep is, if I don’t pre-record my favourite tv programmes I don’t get to watch them as I end up dosing half way through – even the joys of +1 don’t help as I still don’t manage to watch it second time around.

The weather is getting hotter and hotter and while I love heat more than rain, a menopausal woman on hormone drugs is not a great mix. The pool at Coniston is lovely and cool but I can only manage 1/2 mile at at time, so things are a long haul.

But decided to make it fun and sign up for a Swimming Challenge where I get a medal at the end – not the full 100 miles but I get to go to France without leaving Yorkshire. I had already done 16 miles before the start and I am now have another 2 to add to the mix before today.

Once again I want to say a massive thank you to everyone that has donated, whatever amount as this really motivates me to continue on my journey. As I say the only time I find swimming easy is when I am on holiday, lazing with a cocktail in hand dipping in and out of the pool just to cool off! Will have to wait until Sicily next May but hope that I have finished all my miles by then.

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MollyFuchs

Have had to sleep on the sofa for many nights this week to keep my dog Casey company downstairs – he woke up Monday morning not being able to walk on his left hind back leg, a trip to the vet saw a prognosis of torn cruciate ligament and an operation the following week.

As an old man of 10 years we were not only looking at a serious operation but also a lengthy recovery time – plus since he was not insured anymore a massive vet bill. He was set home with pain killers, garden rest and a week of waiting – plus a diet as Mum’s extra feeding since Milo’s death had seen him gain a few more kilos than necessary!

Casey before groomers

Friday came and you would think he was a different dog and that he knew that an imminent operation was on the cards, back to his old self, not a limp in sight. A trip to the dog groomers also lifted his mood and he was like a puppy again. So Vets have agreed to postpone the op and we see how it goes – DIET is still to go ahead!

Update on bucket list to do’s

Have booked and paid for a ride in a Porsche (my favourite car) just need organise a date

Going to Bingo on the 23rd July with friends – Buzz Bingo Keighley here we come – winner winner chicken dinner!

Have taken an IQ Test online with Mensa – said it was a good effort 10/18 hated the puzzle questions and got all the normal ones correct. Bit of fun really.

Scarf 98% finished just need to put the tassles on the end

When I can get tickets will take my brother to see Leeds Utd play a league match at Elland Road

Quick edit on treatment – have had to be off treatment while having teeth done but will be starting back again Thursday with blood tests Wednesday. Have had a request for mammogram on 20th August and should hopefully be getting my 4 monthly check up in August too. Until then I will just EMBRACE each day.

Year in the life….

Can it be a year since I got the news that would turn my life upside down – July 3rd 2020. Life without cancer seems like a lifetime away, 2015, the things I saw as important then are no longer a priority and the one most powerful thing now is TIME, doing things, seeing people – making memories for me and those around me.

This week has seen so many positive’s – the team at Sue Ryder Manorlands wanted to market my challenge to get the best exposure for both charities but most importantly showcasing what they actually do and in a year when they like other charities they have been hit financially, to see that funds can be raised out of this. The full article can be read below and a similar version – actually virtually a full page was in our local newspaper The Craven Herald. Needless to say my Mum bought numerous copies!

https://www.sueryder.org/blog/molly-takes-on-her-final-fundraiser-for-sue-ryder?fbclid=IwAR0qTTrQjutkxJm_S6T6TeUrXi3LJoDpfl6XLenWXDCy4Wu4REI5R9GshVs

Lucy at Sue Ryder has said Yorkshire Life Magazine have also requested photos and information to do a piece. On the back of just these couple of articles fundraising has really taken off and now it stands at over £1200 with more I am sure to come the nearer I get to my goal.

Last week I was in Scotland so swim time was limited but seeing friends was more important – not a rest going from Yorkshire to the East of Scotland to the West in 2 days and the weather could have been kinder but life has to be grabbed with both hands and that’s what I did. Next time hopefully COVID doesn’t get in the way and I will be able to spend more time with both set of friends.

First of many……

Next week I have the dreaded dentist – work which needs me to come off some of my treatment while I have it done. Root canal Monday and the week after fillings – hoping that as long as I keep my mouth shut I will be OK to swim – that could be challenging.

Massive thank you to Karen in Scotland for doing 1.46 miles to add to Molly’s miles and Samantha doing a mixture of open water swimming and pool also in Scotland for also smashing out a massive 14.11 miles. Emma has just posted to say she has done 2 x 875m to do just over a mile. I have only done slightly more at 14.64 miles but happy with that so far – I have to remind myself that 1) I am not a swimmer 2) I swim mainly with my upper body so take twice as long 3) Who cares about time its about getting the job done

Samantha’s open swimming in Scotland

Was able to tick something else of my bucket list with the help of Richard, Karen’s husband who is a whizz around the house and when I mentioned my desire to learn how to bake a loaf of bread – Paul Hollywood’s recipe came out along with the flour and yeast.

Bucket List Nr 29 done – BREAD

Can’t believe how easy it was – despite being slightly heavy handed with some of the ingredients and even surprised myself that I made something that was edible. Nearly finished my scarf (just have the bobbles to put on) but have put a hold on the 1000 piece jigsaw – took it out of the box was so overwhelmed didn’t know where to start so put them back again!

Finally while I am at it I should mention the Euros – my Dad as both a Swiss and English supporter would have been watching with interest and I am sure he was looking down from Heaven cheering both teams on. Switzerland beat France but left the show yesterday on penalties to Spain and England are in the quarters after a fantastic match with old rivals Germany – favourites now to win and like everything we can live in hope. Tonight they play again.

Everything crossed for tonight

A massive thank you to EVERYONE who has donated, some donations are anonymous others are from people who have seen the article. I am truly overwhelmed and will do my best to prove I am worthy of this generosity.

Where does time go?

Can it be nearly a month since my last blog?

Like the title says where does the time go – some days I seem to have been chasing myself and as you can see from one week when swimming was put virtually on hold sometimes my health gets in the way and my energy levels are not where I want them to be.

Are we already in June – Freedom day has been put on hold until July but sorry Mr. J I cannot wait not even for a month, got to start planning and making sure that when my time comes I don’t have any regrets.

KONICA MINOLTA DIGITAL CAMERA

I was inspired by a book – found at the Range, a new shop to us and one I pottered about on Sunday, browsing as you do. The Bucket List book. At the beginning of my second journey I posted a few things I wanted to do and with the help of friends got to fulfill some before lockdown.

Now I have 45 things to do – some are so simple and things I can do myself. Started doing nr 17 today with the help of YouTube – knitting myself a scarf and nr 27 is to complete a 1000+ jigsaw so I have Santorini to make me think of holidays. With 101 on the list I have plenty to think about.

Last week saw me do full hours – I reduced them on the hospital recommendation last year – but I was required to do 6 days of training. Head was totally mashed by day 3 and working 8.30-5.30 it was hard to go to the spa when you have nothing to give. I was going away the weekend but as it was cancelled last minute due to COVID I managed an extra couple of days.

Counting my miles so far – up to yesterday I had done 9.5 miles and with todays lengths I have got over the 10 mile mark – finally – seems like it has taken an age. Sue Ryder and Manorlands have given the OK for anyone who wants to do a MOLLY MILE to help get the miles done – think everyone thinks its going to take me too long.

All you need to do is find out the length of your pool mine is 15m so 108 lengths = 1 mile

Post on FB or in the comments on WordPress when you have done it and share the link of the donation page – if you can get 1 person to donate £1 and I can get 50 to do 50 miles I will do the other 50, well I only have 40 to do now don’t I?

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MollyFuchs

I have also made a basic word document to show when and how many lengths I have done – added my friend Karen’s lengths as she is joining me on my journey. Next week the only water we will be seeing is her hot-tub and plenty of prosecco!

CHARITY SWIM.docx – Microsoft Word Online (live.com)

Want to say a MASSIVE THANK YOU to everyone who has donated £870 so far. This means so much to the charities, it motivates me to actually get up and do something positive when things could actually be quite negative.

Treatment week this week – always happy to receive it (next month will be having a short break while I have a root canal..agghhh) Have my 6 month call with the lovely specialist at Birmingham Orthopedic Hospital to check I am OK – they are my back up in case I need surgery which I hope I won’t.

So until then I will get back to my knitting – a scarf by Christmas? Orders anyone?

Just call me MABLE….

This might be a long post….

Waiting for any sort of scan results is hard, even for the most patient of people (which I am not) but when you know that these might mean that your first line treatment hasn’t worked and that more decisions have to be made the worry is amplified even more. Every new ache has you wondering ‘what if?’

It makes you tired, physically drains you, sleep comes at the wrong time and at night the thoughts go around. You carry on with some sort of normality, for me that’s work ( lucky to have been blessed to do something I love and have a great Team around me), my boy Casey (the dog if anyone thought I had kids!) and trying to get the miles in of my swimming challenge.

So first off – results in and not the oncologist this time but the pharmacist who I have never spoken to before- I hope to again as he says that when they are busy he gets the easy calls. That gave me hope – the words no spread in any of the scans – overjoyed is an understatement. The spinal scan shows degeneration and that’s causing the pain but no cancer – pain I can handle – if drugs don’t work there is always GIN!

I was given the option of having further scans in 4 or 6 months, I opted for 4 but this means I can get on with my life for another few months, try to get my travel insurance for my holiday in October to the Sandos Papagayo in Lanzarote for some sun, sea and hopefully a tan! Also I know that I can still swim, if I had been told I had to have IV chemo instead of the oral I am on then its the end of any challenge.

Fundraising is going amazing and after a massive donation today of £250 it has reached £805 but it is EVERYONE’S donations that have humbled me. I can’t believe how generous people have been and from the messages I have received how this affected people.

thankyou for all your donations

Sue Ryder are putting together an article, Coniston Hotel Spa were wonderful and posted all my details on social media and my work posted twice internally and as I have said for someone who only started there last February I am lucky to have them behind me.

So there are 96 miles still to do – a massive do but this week I am off so will be able to up my distance and now I am buoyed by the good news I had today and not have as many hospital appointments which left me so drained I am on a mission. Today 73 laps – was going to do a mile but time got in the way so tomorrow going earlier.

at the pool

Since I can’t go abroad and I am on holiday this week I am going for a cheeky little get away to Cumbria – me and Casey in a dog friendly hotel near a beach. Weather looks okish and he is having a haircut tomorrow to make himself look presentable. I am looking forward to some quiet time – books, Netflix, gastrofood and days on the beach throwing balls!

Other positive things – May 17th we saw more things opening and life starting to get back to get back to normal – went out with the family last week to celebrate birthdays and anniversaries not content with that going out again tomorrow – life is for living right?

NB Just wanted to say a massive thankyou to Annalise, Richard and Cerica who I met on my birthday at Coniston for the lovely present and letter

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MollyFuchs

In a World where you can be anything….

Be Kind they say!

Today I have met kindness full on in many ways from people I know and love, people I know not as well and also from people I have only just met.

Today didn’t start off too great – too many hours spent on the sofa last night not sleeping, stressing about a scan I was about to have, others that are to come and at the end the final results – results which I can do nothing about once they are here but to face them head on.

Today was – actually is my birthday, one year older. Last year I was oblivious to the cancer within and it was only lockdown that stopped me doing things. I could proudly say on my Facebook page I had survived a lockdown birthday, not that I usually did much anyway but a birthday is a birthday. Now its the first birthday since being diagnosed and the worry (in the back of your mind) that it might be my last made me want to do something for ME!

So I booked in for a treatment – Head Massage at the Coniston Hall Spa – made sure that Mum could take me so that I could enjoy a glass of fizz and maybe something else while having lunch. I have never been afraid of my own company, mainly because I usually find someone to talk to or read, nothing better.

Fizz

This time I didn’t want to swim, do anything really just lay there with my book, swimming can be done tomorrow and all I wanted to do was nothing – I did say in previous posts do not judge if one day thats all I want to do – anyway its my birthday. Nearing the end of my John Grisham novel, the one that I had already bought and didn’t realise I had, being from Yorkshire want to get my money’s worth even though I know the end!

All the staff at the Nadarra Spa are lovely again so kind, Paula who did my head massage listened while I waffled and gave me a tissue when I cried, proper therapists but by the end I came away so relaxed and couldn’t wait for lunch and a gin!

amazing starter

I wasn’t the only ones sat outside and it turned out I wasn’t the only one celebrating my birthday, and while I am rubbish and forget names quickly (I put it down to the drugs I have to take) it was lovely to talk about their break in Yorkshire and see they were enjoying their day as much as me – well until the thunder and lightning – even under cover I ended up eating my pudding covered with a brolly (no way I was going to leave the gorgeous ginger and date pud) – gin got slightly damp.

Facebook has been awash with such kind messages from family and friends, so many. I have now got so much gin I am going to float in the stuff! Have had messages and presents from Oz but its not about that its about the day to day support I get from everyone – that means so much more.

So after a lovely morning/early afternoon it was time to go to the hospital for an MRI spinal scan. Prior to this year scans never bothered me, a chance to relax, none really hurt just mild discomfort but I feel like the biggest baby on earth now, anything enclosed makes me feel like I am going in a coffin and the panic attacks don’t seem to be getting any better despite the drugs I take. Note to self on Friday double the drugs!

The radiologists were super kind today, did an alternative scan and I will have to keep my fingers crossed that I don’t have to have it repeated. Back home to bed. Birthday nearly finished.

Update on swimming – well still doing it although today I had a rest. Last week I did another mile but will have to up the ante otherwise I will be here for years. At the end of the month I will show a collage of all the mileage! Today at the spa it was suggested that the staff there helped out and did some relay miles – would that be cheating?

I will keep on plodding on……

If you have any free pounds feel free to donate or just share

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MollyFuchs

Captain Tom’s weekend

When I took on my 100 mile challenge I didn’t realise at first that the 100 things were to be done this Bank Holiday weekend, we have had Beckham doing 100 keepie uppies others eating 100 maltesers so I decided that I had to have at least complete 100 laps to make sure I was going with the theme and then continue it for a 100 miles into August.

Easier said than done, as I needed to do 108 laps to make 1 mile instead of the 68 I originally thought. Wednesday I did 20, Friday I did 45 and today Saturday I was to do 43 to get to that magical number.

None of it was easy – the first 20 on Wednesday I struggled with doing just breaststroke, Friday I did a mixture of breastroke and flapping on my back wildly -this caused my swimming watch to fail to register some laps which only meant extra work for me.

One mile down – 99 to go. Thank you for all the donations so far, have been overwhelmed when I hadn’t really started. Sue Ryder and Manorlands have been in touch as they want to do an article about my fundraising.

In Between the swimming I did get chance to relax and read, the joys of having membership at such a wonderful spa at the Coniston Hall Hotel. Today I forgot to take my phone and my watch refused to record the laps so it was me mentally counting in – so please believe me when I say that I did all 43.

Next couple of weeks are going to be very busy as I have now been called for scans on 4th, 10th and 14th May and results on the 24th May with the oncologist – this will show progression or Stable Mable (always looking for the later)

Will keep on swimming and will blog at the end of May with the updated miles and how I am going. Please give if you can or share my page https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MollyFuchs

The last 100….

Finally my gallbladder is out – never have I been so pleased to be rid of something. Now hopefully no more midnight rushes to A&E with the worse pain I can ever begin to describe. As it was keyhole surgery pain was limited and I only needed normal painkillers – could also be I am a tough nut or the fact that its not been a patch on some of the pain I have had to deal with recently.

Recovery has been lovely while the weather has been great and I have been making the most of the garden, what a godsend it has been and I have spent lunches soaking up the rays with my two accomplices Casey and Sky.

Good news this week that treatment has started again (Thursday) bloods were done and came back which showed healthy platelets. Its always a worry when you come off treatment for whatever reason, ill health, operations, radiotherapy as in your mind the cancer that has already moved could be moving again. Last scan showed stable Mabel and that’s where I want it to remain. CT and MRI scans will be in the next month with results soon after. I try not to get scanxiety as its not going to help but wait until the results are in and face things head on.

So you may ask where does the title “The Last 100” come from? Well those that know me well probably know me from my running and charity work that I have done over many years – I never ran for the fun of it, much too hard work plus I didn’t love it enough. Mind you every time I see the Peleton advert I wish I could run – really wish there was an option which there isn’t. Walking very slowly really takes it out of me now and that’s the reality.

BUT I have been told I can be buoyant (lots of ballast) and swim so next Wednesday I am going back to Coniston Hall Spa (Nadarra) to get back into a better place and also do my LAST EVER charity fundraiser. Captain Tom’s Foundation asked us to do 100 things so I will be attempting to do 100 miles of the swimming pool before August if not sooner.

The pool is 15m long and I will have to swim 68 lengths 34 there and back to do a mile- I normally went swimming 3 times a week so keeping fingers crossed that it is doable but as I said on the fundraising page do not judge if one day I just stay by the pool and do nothing but drink a non alcoholic cocktail!

The two charities that I have decided on mean the most to me at the moment as they are helping me – they are letting me see some semblance of normality in this time where everything is anything but.

Cancer Support Yorkshire – based in Bradford but we are lucky to have a local office in Skipton, helped with filling out forms when the hospital advised against working full-time. They also got me my blue badge, when things always seems so far away having something that helps you park closer is a godsend!

Sue Ryder – Manorlands – what would I have done if I hadn’t been allocated Vicki my palliative care nurse. At first to advise on pain relief but she has helped so much more, I can talk to her, just cry (sometimes that’s all I wanted to do) and yesterday when she came she advised on “when the time comes” and what my wishes are going to be.

I have a great team around me but I realise that in a year when charities have been really hit that I want to do my bit before I can’t . Swimming watch has been bought to record those miles – this will not be a speed event but an endurance one.

If you can’t donate but you can share my charity page so that I get as many people to view it – remember I won’t ever be asking for money again

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/MollyFuchs

Keeping away from everyone

social distancing

So a month since my last blog and now its only a week away from my gallbladder op. That means staying away from everyone in a socially distanced manner until Monday when I have my Covid test and then its proper lockdown in my bedroom for 72 hours. Good job I work from home.

Not worried about the actual op, just want it over and done with now and hoping that I will be in and out within the day and a week to recover. Worse case scenario – well it will be longer but not thinking about that option.

It was the Bank Holiday weekend and while I didn’t get any Easter eggs I did make sure I got some chocolate – maybe that’s why I missed Slimming World weigh in on Monday, wasn’t feeling the love. Hate how when everything thing is closed that all your aches and pains come to the forefront meaning you have to wait days to get in touch with anyone for that peace of mind that nothing is wrong.

Thursday saw me having a lovely day, sun was shining and I spoke to my palliative care nurse Vicky and she said how bright I was sounding and I actually did feel good. Times like this I forget I have cancer, forget that time is limited and that when I wake up in a morning that I am no different than anyone else.

Good Friday was my normal day off and I booked a holiday to Sicily for my birthday next May, I was so excited having had a Sicilian boyfriend for 3 years when I lived in Zurich and been there twice before I was so happy when Jet2 holidays decided to take this country onboard. Never even entered my mind that I wouldn’t be well enough – I was just so excited to think of going back to somewhere I had such special memories.

sunshine

Friday night I started with a pain in my back and I asked my Mum Saturday morning if she could feel the lump I could feel. With her ropey hands she couldn’t but I wasn’t going to to make a fuss and would just ride it out – if it was still painful Tuesday I would get it checked out.

Well the pain didn’t go and as I am limited to pain relief to paracetamol/codeine it was not sleeping on my side to help the pain. I could still feel the lump and the pain radiated all across my back. Monday saw a bad day at work when I burst into tears trying to do something while challenging for me shouldn’t have seen me cry. My team as usual were great and came to the rescue.

So Tuesday morning I called my doctor knowing she would alleviate my fears, as I said when I spoke to her its probably nothing and I hate wasting peoples time, she wanted me in straight away. She could see the pain I was in and couldn’t say that it wasn’t linked to my bone cancer so as I had no consultations mapped out because of my op she was going to talk to my team at the hospital and she about a bone scan. The thing is she listened when I talked.

I hate that my emotions are so up and down – one minute high next minute so low. That I will never be normal – that this is my new normal.

So I am going to try and remember the highs because when the lows hit sometimes its hard to remember anything else. So the ones so far –

  1. Andrew my brother got made permanent in his job at The Golden Lion, Settle which is amazing considering in the year of the pandemic he was furloughed and let go from one job, found this job a day later and then was furloughed again. We are happy to see him back at work.
  2. My garden is nearly finished, skip was taken away this morning, yesterday Stephen and Richard laid the patio – finishing touches still to do and the fence which seems a never ending job is still to be painted. The inflatable chair has had its outing with a gin by my side and Casey loves the artificial grass to chase his ball.
  3. Like I said booked my holiday on the maiden flight from Leeds Bradford to Sicily on May 4th 2022 with Jet2 Holidays to Taormina Mare a budget hotel but decided that I can just use it as a base, don’t intend to spend all my time inside.

https://www.jet2holidays.com/italy/sicily/taormina-mare/villa-bianca-resort

4. Although some days I feel really rubbish I still feel blessed to have the people in my life that make it easier for me. Know they have always got my back, sometimes don’t know what I do to deserve it but know if the tables were turned I would be there for each and every one of them.

5. Love my Casey – he just makes me smile. Tomorrow he will go from a hairy monster to a sleek 10 year old puppy again

Spring, kiwis and Masai Warriors

The last month has been a hard one mentally and physically seeing two stints in hospital and time off work. There seemed no way forward and no way out, I was bathed in gloom. But as I have been told EMBRACE every day as no one day is the same and with the signs of Spring so comes my health – for now at least.

Taking medication for pain can sometimes be counter-productive, giving you worse side effects than the pain itself and with me that was the case. Every medication was tried to alleviate the pain while giving the least amount of side effects. None seemed to work and the nausea especially was awful. So they were removed and paracetamol was my back up.

Now I don’t know about you but when I can’t sleep EVERYTHING seems so much worse. Normally I could be be seen on the sofa at 2am watching anything from SKY to NETFLIX and by the time the sun was rising I was ready to go to sleep.

So it was on one of these nights when I was downstairs that that I came upon The Truth about Sleep on BBC1 and the presenter Dr Michael Mosley who himself is an insomniac. I think he was willing to try anything and at that point so was I, so he took 3 people to take on some scientific challenges and with the power of google to see which were the most popular things people tried he chose 4 things (he was guinea pig for one)

So without going into too much detail – watch the show for that – I will tell you where the kiwis come in. One guy was asked to eat 2 kiwis a night for 7 nights and his sleep recorded. Kiwis – you are having a laugh right? Well they are rich in serotonin and antioxidants which makes you fall asleep quicker and longer. After the 7 days it was rewarded with a 7/10 and a resolve to continue with it.

So biting the bullet I went out and bought 2 days worth, in for a penny. And guess what, whether its psychosomatic or it is their magic juice they do work. I am getting at least 6 hours sleep and proper sleep. I wake up refreshed. I wake up positive. And now I am back at work I feel ready to take on any challenge.

So last night/this morning deep in sleep I was woken with someone saying my name – no not Molly but my Sunday name. Jumping up everyone was asleep and I could reflect on my very weird dream.

This involved a car crash although not involving me and no-one was hurt, travelling on the A65 from Coniston to Settle with an ex and 2 other people getting to Long Preston to leave the car alone in dark awful weather to walk home. Lots of people, fire, burnt grass and spears on the ground -hundreds from Masai warriors. Didn’t get to Settle because of being woken up. Has the kiwi fruit anything to do with it?

So as we go into Spring – my favourite season, the promise of things to come – new beginnings. The trumpets of the daffodils heralding the warmer weather, well OK not so hot here in Yorkshire but better and the little lambs in the fields. I still can’t eat lamb when I see them in our local fields so cute with their tails bobbing.

In the next couple of weeks I am having my garden done by my brother-in-law Stephen and nephew Richard (couldn’t wait for Mr Titchmarsh) a bit of fake grass and a patio will help make this my oasis while I am not allowed to travel after I have been called in for my Gallbladder op in April.

Even though I have to isolate from April 1st for 14 days meaning my haircut on the 13th has had to be cancelled (so gutted) I am optimistic for the future as it stands at the moment. Won’t look too far ahead, keep with me on this journey.