When the going gets tough……..

 This is what the new chemo Docetaxel has done, broken me physically and to a point mentally but I am coming out the other side…..just!

Like normal I was warned of the side effects that COULD happen and these weren’t pleasant so you don’t tend to dwell on them until they actually rear their ugly heads and actually having the chemo on the Tuesday was non eventful. And for the next couple of days I was OK.

But by Friday evening I was starting to feel horrible and my temperature was starting to rise – so by the time it got to 38.1 I phoned the hospital who said I had to come in immediately. Little did I know that I would be in there for the next 10 days and would feel the worst that I have ever done.

They found that I had an infection but could not get rid of it so I was on a mixture of different antibiotics, at times oral morphine for the pain in my joints, codeine and paracetamol to reduce my constant temperature. Some days I felt as though I could rattle. My toe nails turned black due to the chemo and the soles of my feet were (and still are) painful, another side effect.

Most days I just wanted to sleep and I couldn’t concentrate on anything – I couldn’t eat properly and at one point they had me on supplement milkshakes as I wasn’t getting any nutrients (not that hospital food is that great anyway)

The doctors kept putting the days I was going home back and I was so disheartened but come the weekend when my appetite returned I knew the worst was over, my temperature had remained stable and there was no way that they could keep me in – I would tunnel out if need be.

So Monday evening saw me come home – 10 days without my boys and were they interested in me? Were they heck, suppose they are only bothered in the person who has the food and that’s Mum.

Tomorrow I have to see the Oncologist to see whether they will delay my next weeks chemo as I am not yet 100% OK or if they are going to reduce the dosage. Body has been pretty battered and I feel like I have been kicked by a herd of horses and not just one. But I have to remind myself that this will be over soon and then I can start living again.