Do not finish or do not start?

Which is worse?

A lot of my running friends will say that its better to get off the couch and actually try and do something and fail but show that you have tried than stayed indoors in front of the telly with a bag of crisps.

This is all well and good but hard to remember when your mind says a fail is a fail and people only like winners. Last Sunday was the start of my foodie races – the ones to get me enjoying races after chemo and radiotherapy and although I had done the Keighley Big 10k for my first race these were the ones that would be the ones to kick start everything.

The Chocathon was in Marsden near Huddersfield and while not the flattest area  it stated it was an easy/trail run/walk with 2 chocolate stations on its 9km run – so while not at my fittest I thought I would make it round. Thank goodness my original idea of a superwoman outfit didn’t pan out because I felt nothing like it on the journey there.

Sat Nav decided to take me on a cross country course and I went round and round and after a rubbish night of sleep the previous night due to my dodgy shoulder (rotator cuff tear) I really wanted to curl up in my car and sleep by the time I arrived 2 hours later. Luckily I always leave plenty of time.

The people in fancy dress looked so great but there were plenty of serious runners and that made me worried. We set off and down a very muddy canal  and already I was having problems with my breathing – since radiotherapy I have had no energy. A really nice guy who was with his family and Chihuahua (who was going faster than me) stayed with me and motivated me until the first chocolate station – but then I asked him to go on ahead.

How could I not be interested in the chocolate with loads of little tubs of things to choose from ( I had been worried at the start there might not be anything left for me being one of the last) but I felt ill even after the short distance I had done about 1.28 miles and what I still had to do. The Hill that faced me looked never ending and I got half way up and I couldn’t get any breath – I stopped while people overtook me all concerned and then tried to go a bit further.

Tears of frustration came as I knew it was going to be a struggle and the back cyclist suggested that I get a lift to the start with the chocolate team as it wasn’t going to get any easier. I reluctantly asked for help. Back at the start I saw the quickest come in at 37 minutes, I can’t do a 5k in that time!

The Race Director seeing me upset and knowing that I hadn’t been able to make it round gave me a hug and a box of chocolates. You wouldn’t get that at a big race and I have vowed that I will be back next year although I still have the Wineathon in September and the Pieathon in December  both of their races to get race fit. Their t-shirts are great so want one next time.

My next race is 22nd May – Crazy Cow 10k in Preston – and I so want the cow bell, hopefully when I go to the hospital tomorrow they will be able to help me with the pain I have in my shoulder/arm so I can back to running again. Here’s hoping they can work some magic! Maybe I should have been given Black Magic chocolates instead!!