Bumpy road ahead

Where do I start…..

The last few weeks have been a mixture of emotions from massive lows to wonderful highs and then back again. The only bit of stability I ever have is the love and comfort from family and friends.

Last week so me being rushed AGAIN to A&E at Airedale General hospital – pain I have never known anything like it coupled with being sick and not being able to breath I literally thought my time had come (much too soon may I add) Gas and air in the ambulance with a good dose of morphine did nothing to shift it but the ruddy great horse pills they gave me that knocked me out seemed to do the trick.

I was kept in for 24 hours until they were sure the pain was kept under control and released on the Sunday to go back on the Monday for an ultrasound which confirmed I had Gallstones – on top of everything else I have been affected with something which people say is more painful than childbirth!

Monday I also had an MRI scan on my hip, don’t usually like this scan as its claustrophobic but they put me in feet first gave me radio 2 to listen to and 30 minutes I was finished.

Tuesday saw my mega high – in February I started my dream job working from home for a well known travel company, you know the one that always wants to hold your hand and my probation was  up. Because I have had quite a bit of time off and will be having much more I wasn’t 100% sure if they would keep me on.

I love my job and they have been fantastic at accommodating all appointments but there was always uncertainty. Well I had to wait until 8pm to be told that I must have been doing something right as I was kept on.

So fast forward today to another low……

Had to go to the Breast clinic for some more scans as the PET scan had shown up a shadow on my breast that I had originally had cancer 5 years ago and they wanted to rule out anything nasty and thought it might it be scar tissue.

Mammograms don’t faze me neither do the biopsies that they do after the ultrasound despite the long needle. The first doctor I saw said that there was more calcification than previous but this isn’t always cancerous but when I went to see my original doctor and Macmillan nurse they said there is a good chance it has returned.

I have an appointment on the 18th which is the day after I speak to the oncologist about my bone and 3 days before I sign my consent for treatment. They have advised that I will probably have my hip sorted first and breast after if that’s the case and now its another waiting game.

I would lie if I said I didn’t cry (again) and this afternoon I slept like a baby despite wanting to do so much since it was my day off but I am back to being Molly and know that there will be times like this. The journey is long and winding with ups and downs bit like a rollercoaster and at one point I will be able to get off…..

Hold My Hand

Standing in a crowded room and I can’t see your face
Put your arms around me, tell me everything’s okay
In my mind, I’m running round a cold and empty space
Just put your arms around me, tell me everything’s okay
You don’t make me wait and never let me break, you never let fall
You don’t make me wait and never let me break, you never let fall
Darling, hold my hand
Soul is like a melting pot when you’re not next to me
Tell me that you’ve got me and you’re never gonna leave
Tryna find a moment where I can find…

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