So a month since my last blog and now its only a week away from my gallbladder op. That means staying away from everyone in a socially distanced manner until Monday when I have my Covid test and then its proper lockdown in my bedroom for 72 hours. Good job I work from home.
Not worried about the actual op, just want it over and done with now and hoping that I will be in and out within the day and a week to recover. Worse case scenario – well it will be longer but not thinking about that option.
It was the Bank Holiday weekend and while I didn’t get any Easter eggs I did make sure I got some chocolate – maybe that’s why I missed Slimming World weigh in on Monday, wasn’t feeling the love. Hate how when everything thing is closed that all your aches and pains come to the forefront meaning you have to wait days to get in touch with anyone for that peace of mind that nothing is wrong.
Thursday saw me having a lovely day, sun was shining and I spoke to my palliative care nurse Vicky and she said how bright I was sounding and I actually did feel good. Times like this I forget I have cancer, forget that time is limited and that when I wake up in a morning that I am no different than anyone else.
Good Friday was my normal day off and I booked a holiday to Sicily for my birthday next May, I was so excited having had a Sicilian boyfriend for 3 years when I lived in Zurich and been there twice before I was so happy when Jet2 holidays decided to take this country onboard. Never even entered my mind that I wouldn’t be well enough – I was just so excited to think of going back to somewhere I had such special memories.
Friday night I started with a pain in my back and I asked my Mum Saturday morning if she could feel the lump I could feel. With her ropey hands she couldn’t but I wasn’t going to to make a fuss and would just ride it out – if it was still painful Tuesday I would get it checked out.
Well the pain didn’t go and as I am limited to pain relief to paracetamol/codeine it was not sleeping on my side to help the pain. I could still feel the lump and the pain radiated all across my back. Monday saw a bad day at work when I burst into tears trying to do something while challenging for me shouldn’t have seen me cry. My team as usual were great and came to the rescue.
So Tuesday morning I called my doctor knowing she would alleviate my fears, as I said when I spoke to her its probably nothing and I hate wasting peoples time, she wanted me in straight away. She could see the pain I was in and couldn’t say that it wasn’t linked to my bone cancer so as I had no consultations mapped out because of my op she was going to talk to my team at the hospital and she about a bone scan. The thing is she listened when I talked.
I hate that my emotions are so up and down – one minute high next minute so low. That I will never be normal – that this is my new normal.
So I am going to try and remember the highs because when the lows hit sometimes its hard to remember anything else. So the ones so far –
- Andrew my brother got made permanent in his job at The Golden Lion, Settle which is amazing considering in the year of the pandemic he was furloughed and let go from one job, found this job a day later and then was furloughed again. We are happy to see him back at work.
- My garden is nearly finished, skip was taken away this morning, yesterday Stephen and Richard laid the patio – finishing touches still to do and the fence which seems a never ending job is still to be painted. The inflatable chair has had its outing with a gin by my side and Casey loves the artificial grass to chase his ball.
- Like I said booked my holiday on the maiden flight from Leeds Bradford to Sicily on May 4th 2022 with Jet2 Holidays to Taormina Mare a budget hotel but decided that I can just use it as a base, don’t intend to spend all my time inside.
4. Although some days I feel really rubbish I still feel blessed to have the people in my life that make it easier for me. Know they have always got my back, sometimes don’t know what I do to deserve it but know if the tables were turned I would be there for each and every one of them.
5. Love my Casey – he just makes me smile. Tomorrow he will go from a hairy monster to a sleek 10 year old puppy again