In a World where you can be anything….

Be Kind they say!

Today I have met kindness full on in many ways from people I know and love, people I know not as well and also from people I have only just met.

Today didn’t start off too great – too many hours spent on the sofa last night not sleeping, stressing about a scan I was about to have, others that are to come and at the end the final results – results which I can do nothing about once they are here but to face them head on.

Today was – actually is my birthday, one year older. Last year I was oblivious to the cancer within and it was only lockdown that stopped me doing things. I could proudly say on my Facebook page I had survived a lockdown birthday, not that I usually did much anyway but a birthday is a birthday. Now its the first birthday since being diagnosed and the worry (in the back of your mind) that it might be my last made me want to do something for ME!

So I booked in for a treatment – Head Massage at the Coniston Hall Spa – made sure that Mum could take me so that I could enjoy a glass of fizz and maybe something else while having lunch. I have never been afraid of my own company, mainly because I usually find someone to talk to or read, nothing better.


This time I didn’t want to swim, do anything really just lay there with my book, swimming can be done tomorrow and all I wanted to do was nothing – I did say in previous posts do not judge if one day thats all I want to do – anyway its my birthday. Nearing the end of my John Grisham novel, the one that I had already bought and didn’t realise I had, being from Yorkshire want to get my money’s worth even though I know the end!

All the staff at the Nadarra Spa are lovely again so kind, Paula who did my head massage listened while I waffled and gave me a tissue when I cried, proper therapists but by the end I came away so relaxed and couldn’t wait for lunch and a gin!

amazing starter

I wasn’t the only ones sat outside and it turned out I wasn’t the only one celebrating my birthday, and while I am rubbish and forget names quickly (I put it down to the drugs I have to take) it was lovely to talk about their break in Yorkshire and see they were enjoying their day as much as me – well until the thunder and lightning – even under cover I ended up eating my pudding covered with a brolly (no way I was going to leave the gorgeous ginger and date pud) – gin got slightly damp.

Facebook has been awash with such kind messages from family and friends, so many. I have now got so much gin I am going to float in the stuff! Have had messages and presents from Oz but its not about that its about the day to day support I get from everyone – that means so much more.

So after a lovely morning/early afternoon it was time to go to the hospital for an MRI spinal scan. Prior to this year scans never bothered me, a chance to relax, none really hurt just mild discomfort but I feel like the biggest baby on earth now, anything enclosed makes me feel like I am going in a coffin and the panic attacks don’t seem to be getting any better despite the drugs I take. Note to self on Friday double the drugs!

The radiologists were super kind today, did an alternative scan and I will have to keep my fingers crossed that I don’t have to have it repeated. Back home to bed. Birthday nearly finished.

Update on swimming – well still doing it although today I had a rest. Last week I did another mile but will have to up the ante otherwise I will be here for years. At the end of the month I will show a collage of all the mileage! Today at the spa it was suggested that the staff there helped out and did some relay miles – would that be cheating?

I will keep on plodding on……

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