How many steps do I take?

Two steps forwards and 3 steps back!

This is how I feel this month and its been one of mixed emotions. After my holiday I had quite a few things planned, getting back to my bucket list, spending time with family and friends.

Soon after treatment I went to write my Will and while it was a simple thing to do – I haven’t much to leave – the reality of doing it when it might be used in the not so distant future made me upset. Still if being diagnosed has taught me anything is that you don’t leave things until the last moment. Strike while the iron is hot, another thing crossed off.

I also had my 3rd Pfizer vaccine – not a booster but the actual jab again as I am immunosuppressant – feel as though its my comfort blanket knowing that I am giving myself and others the chance not to be gravely ill from COVID. When you have had friends die all conspiracy theories and peoples blasé attitudes go out the window.

When I was diagnosed with stage V breast cancer a friend, Michelle, directed me to a wonderful Facebook page called Stage4deservesmore, I can honestly say the ladies in this group have got me through the bad times and have shared the good ones. Gemma the founder of the Group organised a Halloween lunch in Chapel-en-le-Frith so I jumped at the chance to meet some of the women I have been chatting daily too.

Don’t believe that having women together who have a life limiting illness is all doom and gloom, OK we might not be able to stay out until the early hours (well I certainly can’t) but we can party as much as the next person! They say laughter is the best medicine and it certainly was the best tonic.

I came back really early as Sue Ryder and Manorlands were organising the Settle Loop – a 10.5 mile trail race where you can run/walk/cycle or even ride a horse. Helping out basically meant for me sitting down, drinking cups of tea, eating bacon butties and waiting for everyone to come back so I could hand them their medal. It could have been a bit warmer – strike that it could have been a lot warmer and I was wrapped in blankets to keep me warm. Had such a brilliant day – the last one for a while.

Sunday I felt rubbish but just put it down to the fact that I had done too much – the 3 steps back scenario – so laid on the sofa trying to sleep it off. But things started going downhill and I couldn’t keep anything down and the only option was to phone my team for advice.

Hospital – A&E – and then Acute Assessment Ward. Hooked up to drips both IV fluid and IV paracetamol for the next 3 days they struggled to stop me losing fluids. Tests came back that I had no infection and no bugs – so the doctor could only conclude that I had a build up of toxins from Palbocicilib one of my cancer drugs. As I had been taken off it on arrival at the hospital it just meant meant a wait – wait for me to feel better and on Wednesday I decided to come home, they always say home is where the heart is!

Since being home I have done nothing much, appetite is coming back, have lost about 6lbs in weight (needed) and even though the weather is typical Autumn wet and windy I have managed to take Casey out for 2 short walks. I will hopefully know in the next week if I have to go back on my original treatment or whether that has now stopped working and I will be on second line (scary).

Taking the advise from others about looking out for myself, so although I missed my target or 100 miles swimming – did 36 miles and everyone else who did Molly’s Miles, Samantha who did her miles open swimming, Karen, Emma, Shauna and upcoming Olympian Phoebe as well as Hunter the dog who did quite a few doggy paddles – I have decided not to swim for the foreseeable.

I am proud that I have been able to raise so far £1705 for Sue Ryder Manorlands and Yorkshire Cancer Support and it would be fantastic if before the page ends in November that the £2000 target can be raised.

Once again thank you for your support, the journey continues.

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