Having things to look forward to in a life, when it is are so unpredictable, have seen moments of joy, whether its seeing friends, family or discovering new places, eating and drinking in unusual surroundings.
Trying to fill every corner, not wanting to miss a sight, a sound, that in itself causes such fatigue and sometimes you just want to stop but its like you are chasing time, in a hurry frightened that its going to be taken away too soon. FOMO – that’s my greatest dread – Fear of missing out!
July saw me rushing towards everything, cocktails and an overnight stay with friends Kim and Natalie in Manchester – was supposed to be work related but managed cocktails and dinner too meeting up with later with Andy and Joanne.
Not enough with that I jumped on a train at 6am to get back to Settle to drive to Hartlepool to see my mates Aileen and Dave, the drive was easy and while the hotel was not the best I didn’t spend much time in it – having a whirlwind tour of Hartlepool – crutches came in handy when I wanted a rest. Again food and drink played a part in making this a great break but two days out on the trot had taken its toll.
I was back at the hospital the day after my return for a check up as I had been having some reactions to drugs I was taking – painful blisters on my hands – meaning treatment had to be stopped again. Discussing with one of my team about how I feel in general – my Mums 85th birthday that had just gone and how I wanted work to be a part of my future.
Having worked since I was 16 – floating from one job to another so my Dad said, always trying to find something that I was either good at or didn’t bore me for more than 5 minutes. I loved the travel industry and felt that I could share my passion for beautiful hotels and places new and unseen. But it was becoming hard to feel the love in a world of uncertainty and customers who were more nervous than excited.
I always thought work would define the person that I am but giving it up has made me realise that I am just me – it still comes back to FOMO – that what will I miss by not being there but I have gained so far by not having the stress when I don’t feel great that I can stay in my pjs or if its nice – like the other day I can take my Mum out.
This month is also a busy one as scans start again (as well as treatment, reduced dose to see if this helps) With the scans come the worry of the results and I have a brain scan Tuesday to start things off, will they find intelligence there that’s the question?
Swimming is still on track – well I would have liked to have done more but some days I have not been well, others I have been away – so I do what I can. Still trying to cross the channel to get and have done 9.5 miles of the challenge to date (21 miles to France) Altogether I have done 24.35 miles (2630 lengths) and so far have raised £1665.
I am so grateful for every donation as are the charities – both help me in my day to day life.