Bumpy road ahead

Where do I start…..

The last few weeks have been a mixture of emotions from massive lows to wonderful highs and then back again. The only bit of stability I ever have is the love and comfort from family and friends.

Last week so me being rushed AGAIN to A&E at Airedale General hospital – pain I have never known anything like it coupled with being sick and not being able to breath I literally thought my time had come (much too soon may I add) Gas and air in the ambulance with a good dose of morphine did nothing to shift it but the ruddy great horse pills they gave me that knocked me out seemed to do the trick.

I was kept in for 24 hours until they were sure the pain was kept under control and released on the Sunday to go back on the Monday for an ultrasound which confirmed I had Gallstones – on top of everything else I have been affected with something which people say is more painful than childbirth!

Monday I also had an MRI scan on my hip, don’t usually like this scan as its claustrophobic but they put me in feet first gave me radio 2 to listen to and 30 minutes I was finished.

Tuesday saw my mega high – in February I started my dream job working from home for a well known travel company, you know the one that always wants to hold your hand and my probation was  up. Because I have had quite a bit of time off and will be having much more I wasn’t 100% sure if they would keep me on.

I love my job and they have been fantastic at accommodating all appointments but there was always uncertainty. Well I had to wait until 8pm to be told that I must have been doing something right as I was kept on.

So fast forward today to another low……

Had to go to the Breast clinic for some more scans as the PET scan had shown up a shadow on my breast that I had originally had cancer 5 years ago and they wanted to rule out anything nasty and thought it might it be scar tissue.

Mammograms don’t faze me neither do the biopsies that they do after the ultrasound despite the long needle. The first doctor I saw said that there was more calcification than previous but this isn’t always cancerous but when I went to see my original doctor and Macmillan nurse they said there is a good chance it has returned.

I have an appointment on the 18th which is the day after I speak to the oncologist about my bone and 3 days before I sign my consent for treatment. They have advised that I will probably have my hip sorted first and breast after if that’s the case and now its another waiting game.

I would lie if I said I didn’t cry (again) and this afternoon I slept like a baby despite wanting to do so much since it was my day off but I am back to being Molly and know that there will be times like this. The journey is long and winding with ups and downs bit like a rollercoaster and at one point I will be able to get off…..

Hold My Hand

Standing in a crowded room and I can’t see your face
Put your arms around me, tell me everything’s okay
In my mind, I’m running round a cold and empty space
Just put your arms around me, tell me everything’s okay
You don’t make me wait and never let me break, you never let fall
You don’t make me wait and never let me break, you never let fall
Darling, hold my hand
Soul is like a melting pot when you’re not next to me
Tell me that you’ve got me and you’re never gonna leave
Tryna find a moment where I can find…

Results but no more news

It’s the waiting that gets to you. Having tests then waiting weeks to know where you stand, if its good news or bad news, if the treatment stays the same.

Had my PET scan and was given the news that I would be taking the tablet Letrozole every day and then starting later with Palbociclib a tablet for 3 weeks and then 1 week off. This Friday I was due to go to the hospital to sign my consent forms for treatment to start and Letrozole had already been given to start with. More scans in the way of an MRI scan on my hip next Monday was also scheduled.

But yesterday an oncologist telephone call put some of that on hold as the PET scan results have shown no spread of cancer other than in the hip so they are unsure if it is now a primary cancer (relief) or a mets from the breast cancer (sigh)

So they are waiting for Birmingham Hospital to get back to them and see whether a biopsy or more over a hip replacement to remove the cancer will show this. Theu can’t give me the Palbociclib as this will lower my white blood cells and wouldn’t be able to operate.  So now waiting….

This morning another phone call another scan tomorrow again on my hip….my hip will be famous after all this with all the photos it is having!

Holidays and going away has been put on hold as I don’t know what treatment I will be having, if I will be able to walk but I am hoping that by December I will still be able to go to Switzerland with my Mum. I suppose in the grand scheme of things a holiday is not the most important thing but its always lovely to have something to look forward to.

One thing I have always been grateful for his my wonderful friends and how generous they are with their time as well as always making sure I am OK even if I don’t see them often. When I started my blog in those early hours of the morning and posted my bucket list I never expected anyone to help me realise those dreams but a few friends have done just that.

Yesterday I got a message from Lorraine to say that she had been in contact with South Lakes Zoo and while they are not doing the Experiences due to Covid that they will give me free entry to the Zoo and if I tell them the day then they will organise me to meet a keeper and feed the penguins and giraffes. I am beyond excited and although I can’t make a date yet I cannot thank Lorraine enough or Jo at South Lakes.

Home

UPDATE Another phone call from Hospital and date for consent 23rd August

No new news

I have been trying to write this blog post for a few days now but kept putting it off.

What can I say since given the news over a week ago that the cancer had spread to my bones. I was expected to have a scan last Friday but this was cancelled as they need to do a PET scan instead to show the spread- but no time frame for this.

Had a bit of a meltdown last Tuesday at work when I couldn’t stop crying and was told to take some time off, trying to have empathy with customers who are angry that their refund hasn’t been in their bank account in 3 days has been challenging at times.

It gave me time to think about TIME- and what I want to do with what I have left and the END. I have been in contact with Leeds University to donate my body for medical research and as long as I don’t die on a Bank Holiday I should be good to go. Forms just to be signed and sent. As a Yorkshire woman good to know that I can save money on the funeral as they pay for the cremation after and I am being put to good use!

Feeling frustrated as just been told that the request for my scan is in the system but they can’t say when it will happen don’t they realise that TIME is not on my side plus I am very impatient.

One thing that I found is important is friends and on Friday and Saturday two special ones Aileen and Dave came to my town for a visit. As a nurse it was great to talk to Aileen about everything and boy did we laugh!

We went on a tour of the Dales, did a bit of retail shopping in Grassington -I did get knocked over by a car who was reversing and was winded (think someone up there has it in for me!)

We also went to see if we could see Wallace and Gromit at the Wensleydale cheese factory in Hawes. They weren’t there but plenty of cheese!

Coming back we went and experienced the new normal eating out. Lovely to sit have a drink, good food and great company.

Sunday I returned to work and although challenging at times and nearly 9 hours sitting on a chair is uncomfortable I managed it and yesterday I went and did it again!

Days are very up and down and while I am positive on the whole not everyday is the same.

But I feel lucky to have fantastic friends and family by my side.

Journey Nr2

I have come a long way in 5 years – being diagnosed with breast cancer was just the start of a journey which had many ups and downs.

I started 2020 with a great outlook. A new decade, a new job a shiny new future. Little did anyone realise what was to come and how that would affect all our lives.

My job role changed when the reality of selling holidays abroad when planes were stuck on the ground and flying was not an option. The uncertainty as to whether I would be kept on still hangs over me even now with the relaxation of travel.

Mum having a serious accident which could see her being treated for many months was also something we didn’t foresee. But Mum being Mum she soldiers on.

Now my journey begins again with the diagnosis of secondary cancer in my hip. Only found when I was sent for scans for other things- a blessing in disguise.

Waiting is the one thing I don’t like, not knowing when my treatment begins but it’s not as scary as before, I know the team what I could face and the side effects of all of them (as I had many)

I remain positive and so decided to start writing things down again as it really helped the first time.

I also wanted to start a bucket list and if anyone can help me achieve these you would make a very happy 😃 Molly but only if you don’t have to fork out any cash. So here goes.

  • Go visit Sally in Oz (was going to next year)
  • Write a book
  • Try on wedding dresses (engaged twice so never got this far)
  • Get a garden makeover by Alan Titchmarsh – any contacts?
  • Have a party in Benidorm with all my girlfriends
  • Take mum back to Bibury in the Cotswolds
  • Ride a horse again (might not be possible now with hip)
  • Sing karaoke in Blackpool
  • Be on a television show- don’t care which one
  • Be a zoo keeper for the day

well that’s enough for now as I can add and remove from the list when I have done it.

I will try to keep everyone updated and if anyone fancies joining me in the silliness of my bucket list please come and hold my hand x

 

 

 

Final post….

failure

Where do I start – I suppose from the beginning, so this could be a long one. Please be patient as this will be the last one for a while as I am taking myself off social media for a couple of weeks.

Friday 20th

Was excited to be going down to London First Class, booking early had given me a good deal and a reserved seat but not happy when I got down to Leeds to find out the train had been cancelled (was this the start of things to come) Luckily I got a seat but stress doesn’t come into it!

Met Julie at Kings Cross – my fellow CWC fundraiser, friend and runner and we went to my fabulous hotel Mecure London Bridge to drop off my stuff before heading for the Expo. I chose the hotel because it was near 2 underground stations – but it would have been easier if we could have worked out where we were going!

Finally got there – busy old day – hot hot hot – do like an Expo – actually if I could do that and nothing else I would be rather happy.  Other than visiting our Charity stand to meet and greet the people who have supporting us all the way it gives us time to buy things or better still get things FREE!!!

It had been a late day for both of us and after seeing Martin Yelling doing a talk and speaking to Colin Burgin-Plews “the man in the dress” who supports Breast Cancer Now we headed off for something to eat! First of my meltdowns happened in Nandos – needless to say we didn’t stay and headed off for the hotel restaurant which was wonderful.

Saturday 21st

I had never been so excited to do anything than go on the RIB Experience on the Thames – this was to my sightseeing tour courtesy of Sally Bott and family in Australia. And boy what an experience – 12 of us in a speedboat seeing the sights of good old London Town to the sounds of James Bond and Sam Smith (I would see it a lot slower on Sunday)

I never feel the need for speed being one of the worlds plodders – don’t like rollercoasters – like my feet planted firmly on the ground but boy oh boy did I love this.

RIB

Then it was time for CAKE – in style – HARRODS with Julie, proper china cups and cakes like my Dad used to make. This carb loading wasn’t too bad, neither was the ice-cream in the sun later – but I was worrying more and more about marathon day – I don’t do heat – give me the cold Yorkshire Dales any day of the week!

After this more food meeting Denise, Anjie, Becs and later Chris at Antonio Carluccio restaurant in St Pancreas Station for some more carb loading – no booze but good food. Early to bed but couldn’t sleep – tick tock tick tock until 5 o’clock came and I had to get up.

April 22nd MARATHON DAY

Wasn’t nervous – got up went down for breakfast and unlike London 2014 had a good breakfast of porridge, toast with jam and coffee – said good morning to all the other runners that were there at 5.30am and started taking on water. Felt relaxed.

Waited for Julie to arrive so that we could go to the start together but by this time it had started to warm up – we had a long way to walk first to the packed tube and then to the DLR where we waited like lemons. I first started to feel sick then as the heat started getting to me.

Getting off at Greenwich we had a further long walk – all uphill – why does my memory discard this of the last time – to hand our bags in. I thought a banana might help while we waited in the ever so long toilet queue – not wanting to try the female urinals!

Cap was planted firmly on head, suntan lotion sprayed and bottle of water which I was sipping slowly. As I was in the last wave I knew we were going to be a long time out there.

Julie and I had a plan 60/60 of run walking – didn’t know how I was going to cope running with someone (other than 40’0000+) or in the heat. But I was going to give it a go but from the off it wasn’t good, the sickness was still there and I couldn’t regulate my breathing. It seemed ages before I got to the first mile – guilt is what I thought of holding Julie back – so wanting to walk instead of run. My face felt as though it was on fire and my head wanted to pop.

london1

Passed two miles and onto the 3rd and Julie had started running again and I just stopped – a young lad came rushing over with a bottle of water and a woman with a towel soaked in water and in what didn’t seem long a medic on a motorbike. While my temperature and blood sugars were OK my heart at resting was way above what it should have been and I was advised not to go any further.

Stubbornness would have made me go on – but I know it would have been to the detriment to my own health if I had carried on – sometimes you just know. I was to to get on the medical bus where I was wrapped in a foil blanket and later a coat as I couldn’t then get warm – from one extreme to another.

I wasn’t the first on the bus and as I was following the whole route picking up the injured to the finish I was no means the last – in fact there were two coaches both full. There were all sorts of illnesses but a lot of heat related ones and while I was just feeling sick a lot who had been out on the course longer were throwing up.

It was a peculiar journey as we passed people struggling at the back, people we now know who had NO water from mile 8 in temperatures above 24c and in some places with the buildings closing in I have been told the tarmac went sticky and reaching 30c!

The crowds were out in force, maybe if it had been colder it would have only been the ardent followers and not the ones who feel that with their loose lips that they can say anything to people who have trained months in all weathers – regardless of age, size to raise thousands for charity but with their few chosen words brings all that hard word crashing down. We were stopped near mile 23 and a group of lads chanted “Cheaters, Cheaters! – after the proverbial V sign I broke down in tears. At that time I would have gladly turned the clock back and never have got in the sweeper bus.

We got to the end at 6.30pm and I was met by two of my brilliant friends Elaine and Aileen who had come to support, one from Dorset and the other a surprise from the North East. Friends I wouldn’t be able to have made it though without them and they both were great shoulders to cry on.  We went then to see Julie finish – bitter sweet as I so wanted to be part of her journey and party at the back but so pleased that she had stuck it out and was not alone.

Today Tuesday

Mentally I feel better today, looking back I wasn’t the only one not to finish at the hottest London Marathon on record. One person a healthy 29 year old Matt Campbell who did Manchester Marathon 2 weeks earlier in under 3 hours collapsed and died at 22.5 mile mark. Such a tragic end to what started a promising day for a great runner. The lucky ones are those that weren’t affected.

I am and have been eternally grateful for those that have got me so far – helping me to put in a whopping £2038 of the £3977.70 we have raised on the RunforLucyLondon2018 Virgin Giving page. All the events the successful ones the ones that weren’t so – I couldn’t have done have done it without each and every one of you.

The Charity is the one that wins in the end and they are AMAZING. Will continue with my sweet stall at work for funds for the Great North Run in September. Now is time for ME – RECOVERY – Get my feet sorted – doctors think today I have a trapped nerve so no exercise (music to my ears)

Thank you for reading – if you got to the end – it will be my last for a while

minion

 

Tick tock tick tock….

owl Those nights when nothing is going to let you sleep -you toss and turn, see every hour and in the end get up make a cup of tea and do something productive.

Just over a week until the marathon has my head whiring about EVERYTHING! Not just can I do it because I know at the end of the day even if its painful which I am sure it will be I am mentally capable of doing it.

I am now worrying about going into the BIG CITY – I have travelled the world and lived in different parts when I was younger with no problem but now older I tend to limit myself to the places I know and even a trip to Leeds fills me with dread knowing that I will get lost even in a shopping centre!

I no longer see it as a big adventure but as things that can go wrong and the logistics of getting from A to B in a crowded and unfamiliar place has already started pulses racing. Needless to say I am taking extra money for Black Cabs! Doesn’t help that there is going to be a 4 day strike on the DLR line which will cause chaos to anyone coming to the marathon.

So tonight – or rather this morning is a night of lists – what to take with me and what to leave out – the new leggings I bought from Tikaboo with the CWC Mr Men logo are ones I will be leaving at home after 5 uncomfortable hours in them on Monday – back to my old faithfuls.

After a winter of snow, ice and rain it looks like we are on for a heatwave for the 22nd so the sunscreen will have to be in and also sunglasses – can’t say that I am happy as the hot weather plays havoc with my arm and the swelling and I will be like an overstuffed sausage in my arm sleeve that I have to wear – sexy or what!

Did yet another fundraiser on Monday thanks to Dean Majors Community Champion at Tesco’s in Skipton and raised another £122 to put in the pot and with the sweet stall money could transfer £210 altogether into the Virginmoneygiving page.

tesco2

Once again I would like to thank everyone that has supported me, this charity is one of the best I have raised money for, keeping us up to date on a weekly basis, asking how training is going and how WE are feeling and not bullying us about how much we have raised like some other charities. This makes you want to do more – and I will.

If you don’t know the reason for me running its a little girl called Lucy who was diagnosed with a rare brain tumour at 6 months old, she has endured many operations and procedures and when I was having my treatment in 2015/16 I would get the most amazing selfies from Lucy to wish me luck for my treatment. It seemed that we were going into battle together and she got me through with her beautiful smile. Now nearly 7 it is still an on-going round of check-ups but Lucy is still smiling.

lucy 23

For Lucy and all children like her please support Children with Cancer UK

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/Team/RunForLucyLondon2018

 

 

The Countdown is on….

Is it normal to cry at anything – not just the  pain? With only 3 weeks – yes – 3 WEEKS! I keep-calm-three-weeks-to-go-2  am feeling very anxious. Worried that my foot won’t be healed enough to complete the 26.2 miles, that other people I know are doing better and going further and more importantly that I will let the people who have supported me down.

But I still put in the hours in the gym – training on the bike and cross trainer when the treadmill is too much. Can’t say I want to brave the weather either but I get in some more leg miles with the boys – not that they are speedy ones – Milo I have to drag round especially when its raining!

But at the end of the day it will be what I do on the day that matters – I will have a great team behind me Children with Cancer and Anjie, Denise and Julie who hopefully will steady those nerves.

Don’t forget if you are near the Tesco store in Skipton on Monday 9th April (next week) I will be collecting money in full running kit. If I can find someone to lend me a static bike which I can get in my little C1 then I will use that to do my training and raise money.

tesco    That has got to be worth a few extra pounds!!

For the next 3 weeks I have to keep on plodding on – not do too much just in case I get injured and keep away from anyone that has any bugs or lurgies – last thing I need at this stage is a cold!

If anyone wants to give any pennies go to  https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/Team/RunForLucyLondon2018

If you want to know why I wanted to be part of such of fantastic team look at this video for London Marathon 2017

 

thank you to all that have supported me in my journey

Pain…..

*****Started this one on Sunday….now it’s Friday*****

pain2 The only time I don’t have pain is when I sleep – maybe that’s why I like to stay in bed……

My Mum has asked me on more than one occasion why I am taking part in the London Marathon and today on my long run I asked myself the same question.

Today I had an 11 mile run which I was breaking down into 1 mile loops of the house – I know this because I have recorded it with the dogs on their numerous walks. Its relatively flat, on the path and I only have to cross a couple of roads.

My feet weren’t feeling the love and neither was I the second lap in and even though the sun was shining I sat on a bench and shed a few tears – wondered how they were going to manage another 24 in 6 weeks time never mind the 9 miles I had to pull out of the bag today.

But some great encouragement from my CWC friends on Facebook meant I got up off the seat and started plodding on.

cwc2

UNTIL I got to the 6th lap and I crossed the road near our house and a car pipped, I turned round to see my two naughty Lhasa Apso dogs chasing after me – they had been with Mum in the garden but wanted to be with me more!

By the time I got them back in the house (and sat down) I decided to give up  – then thought I would just go and give it another couple of miles which I did. Just over 8 miles although I reckon more as the Garmin said 1 mile for the first last but less for the second and even less for the 3rd which I reckon is something to do with the auto pause. At the end of the day I checked my mileage and it was around 10 miles so was happy with that.

******Now its Friday***** its been a whirlwind of work, dog walking, Pilates and trying to keep the mileage going in my legs whether walking or running.  A weather warning for snow has been given again so I have signed up for the gym behind my house to use the treadmill – this week 13 miles  – now if I have to do it in stages on the treadmill I will.

I am feeling more positive about the Marathon this time – having friends to share it with is such a fantastic thing and so far not being injured (only hurting) – just need to keep it that way unlike last time. So in the next 5 weeks not going to go overboard.

5 weeks

Next week is 15 miles and APRIL 1st will be my longest run with 18 and its tapering from then – short runs and plenty of carbs!

Then I can get my life back before the training starts again for the Great North Run in September…..

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/Team/RunForLucyLondon2018

Thank you for all that those that have donated so far and for those that want to know

CHILDREN WITH CANCER UK

We are pleased to report our income for the past financial year was £16.5 million. We receive no government funding and rely exclusively on the voluntary generosity of our supporters. Thank you for your support.


For every £1 we spend on fundraising, we raise over £5 more.

For every £1 donated, we spend 82p on fighting childhood cancer.

  •  47p on research projects
  •  14p on welfare projects
  •  21p on raising awareness
  •  We invest 18p in £1 to raise more money

A couple of weeks ago our CWC Team for London 2018 had raised 1/2 million pounds with money still coming in. I am so proud to be part of such a great team doing such fantastic work.

 

 

What’s with all this exercise?

I don’t think I have ever done this much EVER!

How-to-Exercise (1)  The body is a little bit in shock, it doesn’t know when its going to end and I haven’t yet received those endorphin’s that give you that “runners high”

This week I booked off as holiday – originally to go to France – but change of plans meant this week is a mega training week. Sunday saw me go to Morecambe (on the coast) and do my long run there.

I have been having a confidence issue – wondering whether I could do the training and on the day the mileage – everyone I know seems to be running longer and faster and while I am sticking to plan I hurt with every step.

So I sat in the car park after an hours drive to get there just wanting to go home, why put my body through this on such a lovely day. Look at all the proper runners and here am I am fake. But you know what maybe I am slow and I don’t look as graceful as the two ladies I saw with their blonde ponytails bobbing while they actually talked to each other – but they haven’t been through what I have and I am not the person I was 2 years ago. I have to stop beating myself up. So 6.65 miles were completed and 2 dog runs as well.

Today I went swimming in our local pool – the one they want to close and the community do its best to keep open. It cost me £1.40 as I did a half price hour (stayed for half) and had a whole lane to myself.  Decided to go back again later in the week.

chlorine-is-my-perfume

And tonight I had a go at Pilates (again) – its been so long since I was taught by the wonderful Harriet Angell in Marlow at a running and Pilates weekend and made such special and long lasting friends. Unfortunately I never kept it up even knowing that it helps my core, flexibility (of which I have none)

So tonight I signed up with Mandy at Pulse Personal Training & Fitness Studio in Settle. OMG how creaky and achy did I feel – I know there is a core in there somewhere but where? And when Mandy came to give my legs an extra stretch – oooooooo I could definitely feel it.

pilatesSo this week is more of the same, I have a long run on Friday of 11 miles as Sunday is Charity fundraising day at Tesco.  Hoping that the Beast from the East – the storm which is forecast from tonight to dump a lot of snow doesn’t disrupt a lot of my plans.

TWO MONTHS TO GO!

Anyone that wants to donate or grab one of the 6 Memory Mile Ribbons that are left NUMBERS 2,3,8,9,12 AND 16 our page is

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/Team/RunForLucyLondon2018

 

 

 

 

 

Its all getting so real…..

london marathonWith just 9 weeks to go before Virgin London Marathon 2018 begins on April 22nd I have been upping the training.  Although trying to resemble Jane Torville when walking the dogs and falling on ice didn’t help things mid-week.

Still I managed to get the miles on the cross-trainer which didn’t put pressure on my knee, some treadmill work and also the static bike.  I don’t think I will be the fastest but according to my ASICS plan on my long run today I am on plan with my time.

Wish I could plan my long runs where there are no hills or windy country lanes – nearly was totalled by a couple of 4×4’s coming too fast round bends. Think I will have to find an alternative route.

It could have all been so different as 1.5 mile in I could hardly walk with pain in my right calf – phoned my wonderful Mum who brought replacement trainers (with orthotics) and off I hobbled. Three or so miles in and everything stopped hurting but I wasn’t going at such a fast pace – I can actually walk faster than I run..lol

While it was cold today it was dry and I tried to enjoy the time I was out but what I don’t know is how come when I turn round at 4 miles its only 3 miles back? Where do I miss a mile? Meant I had to do a detour to make up the mileage on my Garmin?

But long run is over for this week and next week it drops for my body (and feet) to recover – still a long run but only a  6.5 mile.

March 4th sees me in Tesco’s Skipton for my next fundraiser so anyone passing drop in – can’t get a treadmill so going to be isle walking with a bucket in my Children with Cancer UK vest asking for donations – 4 hours of that I should get some mileage in.

Anyone wanting to sponsor me can do so by going on to

https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/Team/RunForLucyLondon2018

To be honest I was slightly mad when I agreed to do this again but I am hoping that with the support of Anjie and Denise I will make it round in a much more respectable time and not injured this time. At the back of my mind is always Lucy and children like her. Thank you for all that have donated so far.

CWC